Transforming
the Context of Marriage:
Jezebel
Continues, “That’s nice talk, but how do we actually re-create
marriage so that it fulfills our desires for lasting love and
still leaves us with freedom to be ourselves?”
“By
shifting the context of marriage and, in so doing, we give it a
completely new meaning.”
“That’s
still too ‘airy fairy.’
What do you mean by shifting the context of marriage?
4-2 Won’t that destroy marriage as we know it?”
“I
would prefer to think of it as a transformation.
Think of marriage as presently constituted as a
caterpillar. I’m
suggesting we turn it into a butterfly.”
“You
mean it’s possible to re-constitute marriage in such a way that
it actually fulfills our desires for an intimate, long-lasting,
loving relationship.”
“Of
course! What I am about to offer can do the same for any type
of inter-personal relationship — family, business, or social —
it can work in all of them.”
“OK,
you have my full attention.”
“Start
by first holding yourself in the context of: I
am an Eternal Divine Being who has come to Earth to express my
Divinity in physical form.”
“You’re
saying, I must start with my basic, fundamental belief system?”
“Yes,
if you don’t first understand who and what you are, then the
rest of what I have to offer will be based on a false foundation
and, therefore, will be meaningless and useless.”
“I
already hold that context.”
“I
think not. At least not completely.“
“Why
do you say that?”
“Because
you’re not presently living in that context with regard to your
potential relationship with Stoney.”
“Yes,
you’re right. I’m
not. I’m
being fearful and there’s no fear when I’m expressing my
divinity.”
I
sit silently for a moment thinking about what he has just said.
I look intently at him and say, “Intendr.”
“Yes,”
he responds.
“I’m
not sure I understand what you just said, so please explain the
divine being context to me again.”
“Why,
of course. The
divine being context says you and I and everyone else are all
aspects of one Universal consciousness -- that humans are far more
that just blobs of physical matter that have somehow acquired
consciousness -- that we are all pieces of a greater and
much grander whole -- that we are all eternal divine beings, some
of whom are presently focused on Earth and are living in physical
bodies. At least as a
working hypotheses, you must set aside the multitudes of
religious stories that have no evidence to support
them."
"What
stories?" I ask.
"That
Earth is a ticket to heaven -- that humans are
physical beings being testes for fitness to
enter heaven -- that humans are inherently evil
-- that God murdered his son to prove he love
you -- that you go to heaven if you murder
someone who practices a religion different from
yours -- that your religion is the one and
only pathway to God -- that God can be bribed by
killing animals and burning their corpses --
that in a conflict, God is only on your side --
that your group is God's chosen group and other
groups are inferior. And there are
several dozen more beliefs that are just beliefs
about reality and have nothing to do with
reality."
"So
how does that relate to our
discussion?"
"When
living in that context, being kind, loving, forgiving, generous,
courteous, etc. are all integral parts of living as who I say I
am.
In that context, what I do for you, I also do for me, and
what I do for me, I also do for you. So, if I function out of the context of myself as a
divine being, then infinite self-love and self-importance means I
place you there also. Do
you recall the biblical words,
‘Love thy neighbor as thyself’?”
“Yes,
of course.”
“Well
then, if you understand and live those words, you know that in
this context, giving kindness, courtesy, love, etc. to your
partner and/or to your neighbor, or anyone else also becomes an
act of serving yourself.
If you share yourself with a partner who is also living in
this same context, you can both place yourselves first; you can
both be selfish; you can both love yourselves infinitely;
you can both be absolutely free to be anyone you choose to
be; you can both be
absolutely free to change and grow into anyone you choose to be;
and, at the same time, you can both be wonderful and loving
partners with each other.
In such a context, love is your bond and not a contract
signed on a piece of paper and kept in a drawer somewhere.”
“I
know you’ve explained this to me before, but it’s still hard
for me to grasp. How
can one be selfish and completely giving at the same time?”
“You
are facing another of those divine dichotomies
that doesn’t make sense to a human mind that
is stuck in the either/or world of duality.
4-3
The
best way to know if this is truth or fiction is
to test this hypothesis via your own personal
experience.
Initially, at least, this requires a leap of faith in that
you will have to trust that you have the
capacity find the answers within yourself.
Many of the physical actions will be the same, but in the
new context, they will take on a completely different meaning.
Those new meanings will generate completely different
internal feelings, and, as you well know, it’s the internal
feelings of joy that we desire.
So living in the space of joy with your partner will
trigger thoughts, words, and actions that will generate physical
actions resulting in physical sensations that, in turn will
trigger more feeling of joy.“
“Wow!
You’ve just described the positive pole of the Eternal
Circle of Being.”
“Yes,
I know. Now your job is to live it.”
“That’s
one job I’ll gladly accept.”
“That’s
an excellent attitude to hold.
Remember that this is an ideal, and it will require total
commitment on the part of both partners to make it an earthly
reality. At
first, you’ll find yourself frequently reverting to your old
ways, particularly in moments of stress.
Success will come.
It is only a matter of time, providing you remain totally
committed to your goal and pick yourselves up and start again
every time you fall down.
Success will come in degrees in bits and pieces, and your
little successes will encourage you toward bigger successes.
Soon you will notice that serendipity really is on your
side.”
To
that I say, “Like eating an elephant again, one bite at a time.
Now I’m sure you’re going to give me some ideas as to
how to do this.”
“Jezebel,
you already know how. The
key to success is to follow your feelings and to follow faithfully
the three laws of reality, The
Law of Allowing, The
Law of Thought, and
the Law of Intentional Creating.
4-4
Think of yourself as a Divine Being having a human
experience and constantly ask, ‘Who am I and who do I choose to
be in relation to what I’m now experiencing’?”
“That’s
still a pretty tall order.”
“With
a loving partner and the three Universal Laws, you can give a
pretty tall response. Remember your words to Stoney,
“Practice. Practice.
Practice.”
“Yes,
and I also told him not to expect mastery in two weeks.”
“Then
don’t expect miracles here, either.
Piece by piece and step by step, mastery will surely come,
that is, providing you continue to hold your vision and re-commit
yourself every time you miss the mark.
Remember, a relationship isn’t something you have.
It’s something you are.
And if you understand who and what you are, you’ll also
understand that you will be re-creating your relationship moment
by moment for the rest of your life.
You do that anyway, so you may as well do it consciously
and manifest your relationship in a form that pleases you.
Do you remember my telling you the three main reasons why
you’re here on Earth?”
“Yes,
but I’m not very clear-headed at the moment, so please tell me
again.”
“You’re
here to create and experience joy, freedom and
personal transformation while living in a
physical body.
4-5
Relationships are
among the grandest of human contexts and offer
the ideal form within which to manifest all
three of these basic reasons for being here.”
“Intendr,
I need a break. Sometimes
when talking with you, I just go into overwhelm.”
He
laughs as I take off my shoes and begin splashing my feet in the
water Intendr
soon joins me and together we were just there with the stream, the
trees and the sunshine for a few minutes.
After wading in the water, we stroll silently around on the
grass to let our feet dry.
I
stop, turn to him and say,
“OK, coach, now what?”
“Well,
Jezebel, now that you’ve acknowledged your context as a Divine
Being and acknowledged your overall goals of joy, freedom, and
growth, the next step is to decide specifically what it is that
you choose to create and share with Stoney. Sit quietly.
Give your imagination free reign. Imagine your
intention in pictures, feelings, and sounds.
Include tastes and smells also.
Revise it where it feels less than completely joyous”
Sit with it until you feel so good that you’re
excited about it and then share it with him. See if he’s willing to be in an intimate relationship
with you and willing to do so in a manner that
is in harmony with you and your choices. It
will sound something like this:
Here’s who and what I am.
Here’s what I choose to be.
Here’s what I choose to have, do, express, and
experience. I
am offering to share myself and my creations
with you.
Are you willing to participate in this adventure with me?
So, I suggest you return home
now and write a first draft of who you are and what you choose to
be.
Then let’s meet here again
at noon, tomorrow.”
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